It's notting compared to the starvation suffered by the less fortunate, nor does it fit to be compared with d sufferings of the medically ill patients.. or those who're a thousand miles away from their family & at d same time lost in desperation.. n all the other major sufferings of mankind. But to my personal collection of lifelong journey, it is by far the most painful & for d 1st time, i cant do anytg to mend the damage.
I technically lost d love of my life (ok this my sound childish.. but hey thats how i feel!) putting all the events into thought, maybe i overdid it this time.. so much of wanting to teach him a lesson, i ended up loosing him. Part of me still wonder, why he doesn't want to open up n give me a chance.. yes I know strong reasons of his "i was hurt.. n u taught me to survive on my own.. i was hurt & i'm still hurt" well wut i did to cause this all?? let's see.. we broke up.. sumwer mid of this year.. but we didnt act like we were into it.. all those time i've been wondering wt really happnd n wut am i to him at dt time.. it kept me wondering.. really it did.. he went to hv his fun but i didnt. why nadiah??
2. loyal [i was soo full of him.. tgh still head over heels]
4. I hate trying from scratch when it comes to all tis lovey dovey thingy
5. i just cnt go all mushed up with other dudes.. [sorry guys.. u were nice but i dun wanna hurt u all]
n i kept asking him directly & indirectly "r u gonna ask me back?" sebab cam xtaw wts goin on n wts gonna happen.. blurry bebe..blurryyyy.. "one fine day baby.. one fine day"
So, pada suatu hari, when i was really tired of being confused, i did d ultimate decision... Told him to really spread his wings n lets just be friends.. n pada hari itu jugalahhh.. he wntd to ask me back.. n i got confused all over again..
to aiman: it's not dt i dun love u baby but i was super confused of wut to say & wut to decide. N so i thought, based on my judgemnt, sbb da lama sgt confused.. so biarlah u hav fun..
ok n we went on not so well but after open talk etc.. we decided to go with d flow..
Climax was when we got into a biggg fight & n yes both were badly hurt.. aiman tried to pujuk n mend d bends n brokens but i at dt time, telah bertekad utk mengajar dia erti segalanya.. (wow ayat!) yeah so much of mengajar, i went cold on him.. kept the distance soo obvious.. my ego.. my big fat ego but i was hurt.. but i do give in jugak but not dt much.. n he got darn hurt.. badly hurt.. n dt was when he decided yg we shud really be friends n he da tawar hati evntho he says dt "nadiah i still love u".. n tis all happnd mase nk raye n it went on during raye till today n tmrw im off to surabaya all over again.. right now.. i need advise..
a. do i just let him go & get a fresh start
b. do i fight for him bck by trying to win his heart back
c. dont do anytg & just go with d flow